Dec 30th, 2013

I woke up at 6 and caught the 6:30 bus. I got to work early so I checked out the rig and headed into Waikiki for my first pickup. Most of the day was kind of a blur. I have become more proficient with my mini tour of the sights from the airport into Waikiki. As we pass by the harbor, I point out the pirate themed cruise ship. I tell the customers;
“my first choice for a job was aboard that ship but my wife said no. I wanted to spend my days living out every boy’s fantasy and play pirates all day long, but she wanted me to have a big boy job.”

This usually gets a laugh out if the customers.

I got off at 9, it was a long day and I am ready for a siesta.

Today marks 3 months since my wife and I have moved to Hawaii, I don’t regret it for a second. I’m glad I get to complain in paradise.

Dec 29th, 2013

I woke up at 9 and got ready in a hurry, there was no need for my haste, I just wanted to make Rebecca wonder what I was doing. I like to keep her on her toes.

I walked to a local watering hole and sat down to watch the Seahawks game. I was soon surrounded by a large group of Seattle transplants. It was a great game. My mood is so much better when they win. I only ordered diet coke and water but the wings and pizza on the menu kept taunting me. Someone across the bar ordered the wings and I could smell them. They were calling out to me like an old friend from the edge of a fog covered pier, waving me in to come home from a long wingless voyage across the ocean. It was a tough battle but I finally stood victorious (and hungry) from my wing addiction.

Hi, I’m Travis and I’m addicted to hot wings. It’s been 8 days since my last wing.

After the game I walked to the drugstore to buy insoles for my shoes. I’ve noticed my heels have been hurting constantly and I’m hoping this will quell the pain. I walked home and waited patiently by the front door with an empty bowl for Rebecca to come home.

We took the bus to the grocery store and bought food for the week and then took the bus home. I have to be at work at 8 tomorrow so I went to bed at 9 so I’ll be rested enough to catch the bus at 6.

Dec 28th, 2013

I woke up around 9 and made some quesadillas in the quesadilla maker we bought for christmas. Rebecca headed off to work and I didn’t want to be cooped up inside all day so I went to the bank to deposit my paycheck and then I took the bus to Diamond Head. 

I made it up to the top in 21:01, a new personal record. I didn’t time myself last time so I’m just going to say that 21:01 is my best time. I enjoyed the view for a few moments and then I headed back down. I was back at the bottom in 19:04. 

I got on the bus and headed home, after about 6 blocks the bus driver pulled over, said something and then got out of the bus and walked into the 7-11. I had no idea they were allowed to do that. He came back out a few moments later and we were on our way again. 

I got home and washed the sheets and cleaned the house for a couple hours. We have tile floors so everything gets dusty. For dinner I made another round of quesadillas and settled in to watch a movie on the floor. One of our camping chairs is broken and the other one is about to break so I don’t want to be the one that makes it break. I’ve broken more than enough chairs to last me through 7 lifetimes. I remember one night in Mexico, my friend Josh was preaching and I broke 10 chairs by the end of the night. They were old plastic folding chairs that randomly broke under normal people too, I had just happened to find 10 in one night.

Rebecca came home around 9:30 and she was exhausted from her 10 hour day at work so she relaxed while I watched more action  movies on the floor 

Dec 27th, 2013

Rebecca had two interviews at two different schools on opposite sides of the island today. She rented a car last night and left the house this morning long before I woke up. I was up at 8 and the very first thing I did was put my contacts in so I was sure not to forget them. I decided to use a new pair instead of struggling with the old ones that were torn.

I called work and they told me to be there at 11. I took the 9:30 bus and made it just in time. Rebecca called me when I was doing the pre trip inspection and said her interview went well. She also mentioned she likes driving without me in the car because I’m distracting. At first I thought my charm and dashing good looks were distracting her, but it’s really because I’m usually in the passenger seat white-knuckling the handle and pointing out all the pedestrians she is about to hit. We’ve lost the cleaning deposit on more than one car because of the fear-pee stain I’ve left on the passenger seat.

I had a few back to back runs today, but I also had 3 hours of down time. I worked for 11 hours and got paid for 8. My last run of the night came in at 8:38 for 3 pick-ups at different hotels at 8:45. I knew I wasn’t going to be on time so I was thinking of clever excuses to use when I hit a wall of traffic and pedestrians. President Obama was in Waikiki for dinner and everyone was on the sidewalk hoping to catch a glimpse. Secret service had a bunch of streets blocked off and traffic wasn’t going anywhere. I managed to get through the mess and had the best excuse for being late.

I got off at 10:30 and speed walked to the bus stop where 2 young lads were mercilessly mocking a third because he had supposedly “went doo-doo in his pants.” They were loudly announcing this to the bus and having a good laugh. I felt sorry for the young chap and racked my brain for something to say to comfort him, I came up blank. I thought about standing up, looking his friends straight in the eyes and yelling “HEY, leave him alone, only babies poo their pants” and then joining in the laughter but I could tell he was embarrassed enough, and I certainly didn’t want him to touch me so I sat quietly in my seat. I have never seen someone run off a bus so fast. He was like the Hawaiian Speedy Gonzales.

I don’t have to work tomorrow so I’m not sure what I’m going to do, maybe sit on the beach and people watch, or I might go to the north shore and watch the waves.

Dec 26th, 2013

I woke up at 9 and Rebecca had long since left for work. I made breakfast and finished off my last piece of Halloween candy. For the first time in my life, my Halloween candy lasted through Christmas.

I called to work at 11:45 and they told me to be there at 1:00. I had just missed a bus but there was another one coming at 11:59. I scrambled to get ready and was walking to the stop at 11:57 when I realized I didn’t have my contacts in. Legally I need them to drive because I was wearing them when I took the eye test for my license. I sprinted across the busy street darting through cars to get back to the apartment to get my contacts. I grabbed the case out if the cabinet and sprinted through the courtyard and I saw the bus had passes the stop and was waiting at the light. I ran across 5 lanes of traffic and the driver let me on. I sat down and struggled to catch my breath. I was now starting to sweat. It appeared that I had wasted 7 minutes showering because I would spend the rest of the day smelling like a moldy mattress.

I tried to put my contacts in on the bumpy bus with no mirror, I pulled out the left lens and saw a rip in the side rendering it useless. It was too late to get off the bus and go back so I tried in vein to put in the right lens hoping I could just keep the left eye shut while I was driving. The bus was too bumpy to put the lens in so I gave up and spent the rest of the ride figuring out what I could do.

I got to work and was given a run right away. I put the right lens in and then delicately placed the torn left lens into my eyeball. For the first minute or so, the left side of my face was scrunched up like a stroke victim. I looked like Popeye if he had switched from spinach to fried chicken. After a few agonizing moments I opened my eye and I could see. It was a Boxing Day miracle.

I managed the rest of the night with the torn lens. I will need to find a new pair to switch these out. I’m only supposed to have them in for two weeks but they are expensive so I wear them for two months before switching.

I was waiting at the holding, area which is a big dark empty parking lot and some of the fellas from work were chatting. They told me that the lagoon next to the holding area is where they dumped the cremated remains of the 300,000 plus natives who died of disease when the white men started showing up. Allegedly, if you dig down a foot or so, it is just black ash mixed with mud. Many of the other drivers don’t like to be in the parking lot after dark because of the spirits. I don’t like to be in the parking lot after dark because of the homeless people and junkies.

I also learned that the Japanese tourists don’t tip because they still hold a grudge against America for dropping the atomic bombs. That’s like kicking a body builder in the shorts and bring mad at him for punching you until you swallow your teeth. Some of the tour bus drivers told me that they don’t teach history in japan, and when they go to Pearl Harbor, they are learning the truth about what happened for the first time and it brings many of them to tears. I’m not sure how much they told me is true, and how much is just jibber jabber, but it was interesting.

They sent me home at 9:30 and I was at the bus stop when a coworker drove by and offered me a ride. I was so appreciative. It took 10 minutes to get home as opposed to the 40-60 it would have taken on the bus. This island is full of some of the nicest, warmest people I have ever encountered.

I got home right as Rebecca was going to sleep so I quietly made a grilled cheese sandwich and went to bed.

Dec 25th, 2013

I woke up at 9 and called my family. Rebecca had woken up a little earlier and started baking cinnamon rolls. I told her that I could smell something burning and she assured me that it was the cinnamon rolls baking, not burning. Not wanting to start an argument, I started my phone call. As soon as my parents answered, the smoke alarm started going off. I did my 7 minute “I-told-you-so” dance and got back to my phone call.

I will admit that I don’t understand broads at all. They will say one thing and mean another. I could go on, but thinking about the complexities of the female psyche makes my brain hurt. I do know, however, that women love getting gifts. Especially when they say not to buy them anything. I had bought her some earrings a few weeks ago, and a necklace that she picked out. I left the necklace in its box, and wrapped it up in another box with her alarm clock to add wright to the package so she couldn’t guess what it was. The earrings I took out of the box and taped them to a notepad and put them in a box. I wrapped up one of our cutting boards, and some of the DVDs she bought on Black Friday. I took the empty jewelry box and wrote a warm heartfelt note and wrapped it up. She was not impressed with the note. She did like the earrings though so I think I did alright.

We called her family and then we went to the beach. I spent 2 hours with a snorkel and mask looking for nurtured treasure. I found a really old quarter from 2012 and a metal rod. It was a good haul.

We left the beach and headed to 3 different restaurants to find them either full or closed. We finally landed on a place I’ve been wanting to try for some time. We got lucky in that it was happy hour so appetizers were half off. We split a California roll and an order of nachos which was a perfect Christmas feast.

We walked home and I found out that my back is burnt. Not too badly, but enough to be uncomfortable. I took a cold shower and Rebecca put the lasagna in the oven. We spent the next 2 hours in the most epic staring contest known to man. I may have fallen asleep with my eyes open. After dinner I called to find out my start time for tomorrow and then I went to bed.

Dec 24th, 2013

The bus ride to work today was surprisingly empty and it only took about 35 minutes. I was in high spirits when I got to work.

The traffic was light today so all of my runs only took about half as long as they normally would. This meant I was sitting around for a total of 3 hours.

I was parked along the side of the airport waiting for a flight to land when another employee pulled up next to me. He introduced himself and the very next words out if his mouth were “if you eva need any-ting, you jus give me call brah.” He gave me his number and said he would help me out with anything I needed, or get me in touch with people who could help me. I was blown away both by his grammar and the genuine niceness. Here I am, a handsome new comer, and he offers his services like we have been best friends since grammar school. The openness and warmth of the people in this island is quite spectacular.

As we were talking, a security guard who looked like Mr. Miyagi’s mongoloid brother hobbled up to my van and started yelling something at me. “You need to mooove now, you can’t be here no more.” He stared angrily at me as I backed up, and drove across the street to park again. Within 30 seconds I was called to go back to where I had been to pick up my passengers. I really hope he gets his clip-on tie caught in the baggage carousel and spends Christmas being dragged around and around in a dark, empty baggage claim.

I got off around 5 and rushed home to wrap Rebecca’s gifts and start laundry. At 8 I called work to get my schedule and found out that I have the day off. I celebrated by staying up way too late and watching some random movie online.

Dec 23rd, 2013

I was up at 5 and took the 5:26 bus to work. I don’t remember the ride in at all.

The dispatcher at work told me to pick a vehicle and do a pre trip inspection. 20 minutes later my inspection was done and they called me on the radio to get another vehicle. I chose another one and started the inspection when they told me to choose a different vehicle again. I finally got one they approved of and went to fill the gas tank but the pump at work was empty so I figured I had 1/2 a tank, that should get me through the day. On my first run I got lost and circled around the customer’s hotel twice. They had no idea because I played it off like I knew what I was doing. Around 5, I thought I was going to get to go home, but I kept getting runs. They were all back to back runs. I was there for 14 hours.

I realized halfway through the shift that I am going to get sick because of all the foreigners who come here and bring their new diseases with them. This wonderful revelation came to me as the lady in the seat directly behind me began coughing swine flu all over the back of my head and choking on her tongue. I turned the air conditioner on full blast to push her germs to the back of the bus where they belonged.

At some point during the shift, dispatch asked for my location. I had no idea where I was but I was able to mispronounce the street names. I could hear laughter on the other end of the line as I butchered the Hawaiian language.

I was only planning on a 6-8 hour shift so I only brought a few things to snack on. I didn’t even have a chance to stop and get food. At 8:30 I called the dispatch center and told them I had been on since 7 in the morning and I would like to go home because I have to be here at 8 tomorrow morning. They said I could go home.

I was out of there at 9:15 and had to wait 30 minutes for the bus, which took another 45 minutes to get home. At the bus stop, I was greeted by a fellow who was eating vinegar flavored shrimp chips. I know this because I could smell it and chunks of chewed up shrimpy, vinegary, mush sprayed my chest, neck, arms and face every time he asked me how much longer until the bus came. This happened no less than 8 times in the 30 minute wait. I was exhausted and my bum cheeks were sore from sitting all day. I got home, showered off sweat and shrimp chips and went to bed.

Dec 22nd, 2013

I woke up at 8 and puttered around for a bit. I walked to the bus stop to go to Waikiki and was at the crosswalk when the bus drove by. Instead of chasing it screaming and crying, I decided to walk. I got to one restaurant I’d never been to before and sat down to watch the Seahawks game. I drank about 3 gallons of diet Pepsi and at halftime I ordered wings. The game was dreadful. I left with the stench of shame and despair draped over me like a moist pair of pants.

I was at the bus stop when a guy came up to me and we started talking Seahawks. He had lived in the Seattle area and he was stationed here at the army base. He said he worked at a bar and that they were filming The Hangover 4 at his bar, he also said he had partied with the Seahawks cheerleaders the night before. The Seahawks were playing in Seattle so there is no way their cheerleaders would be in Hawaii the night before the game. He proceeded to pull out 5 mini bottles of schnapps from his pocket and drink them and then he asked me for bus money so he could get to work. I told him I didn’t have any money and then like magic, he pulled out a wad of crumpled up bills from his pocket. Once I got on the bus I looked up the Hangover 4, all of the cast said they weren’t making a 4th movie. I was beginning to think this gentleman was full of malarkey. Pardon my language, but it is true.

I took the bus to the store and bough garlic and cold medicine. I’m starting to feel my annual Christmas cold coming on and I want to catch it early.

Rebecca got home a little after I did and we went to the grocery store to buy food to make a Christmas feast. I still don’t know if I have the day off or not. Last week, I asked my manager if I could have the day off because we don’t know anyone on the island and I didn’t want my wife to spend Christmas alone. The manager said he’d think about it, but I won’t know for sure until I call in the night before to get the schedule.

While we were at the grocery store I called to get my schedule. I work at 7 tomorrow. I went straight home and went to sleep so I don’t fall asleep behind the wheel and take out a group of tourists

Dec 21st, 2013

I woke up and paced in a circle around the apartment for 2 hours until I had to call in and get my schedule for the day. I had just showered and gotten dressed for work so I could catch the next bus if I had to. I called in and they told me to take the day off. I wasn’t really sure what to do with my newly acquired freedom so I watched a documentary on killer whales attacking their trainers.

Around 3 I still had no energy so I ate/drank a mouthful of honey to give my system a kick on the bottom and then I went running. I took a different route today, I was running into the wind for the first half and by the time I turned around to go back the wind had shifted and I was running into the wind on my way back as well. I did .98 miles in 10:23. Not a great time, but it’s been getting better since I started last week.

I went home and stretched out my legs on the floor while watching Street Fighter and eating peanut butter m&m’s.

At 6 I took the bus to the shopping center to wait for Rebecca. My parents have gone to get their picture taken with Santa since they started dating in 1826. Back then Santa was just a young lad with no beard. Since this was the first year since my wonderful creation that I was not going to be in their picture I thought Rebecca and I should get our picture taken with Santa. Rebecca kept reminding me that she was only doing this for me. She didn’t grow up believing in Santa so it was never a big deal for her. I remember getting really excited to see Santa and tell him what I wanted for Christmas.

When we got to the line, there was a modeling show going on. Guys with no body hair and glitter on their bare chests were dancing on stage and the women had their hair done to look like they had been riding on the back of a motorcycle. One of the girls looked emaciated. Her arms were no thicker than a beer bottle. I really wanted to get up on stage, take my shirt off and start dancing to the crappy club music. I could feel myself being pulled onstage by some unknown force. I knew that if I were to go up there I would be kicked out of the mall and I wouldn’t get my picture with Santa so I stayed put.

We finally got to meet ol’ St. Nick and we got our picture. As we were getting ready to leave Santa looked at me with sadness in his eyes. He confided in me that having to sit in front of this fashion show was slowly killing him on the inside. The poor man was sitting 20 feet away from shirtless, glittery boy toys shaking their rumps to music that would make John Lennon and Paul McCartney roll over and weep in their graves.

We left and I think I saw a single tear start to roll down Santa’s rosy red cheek. I felt bad.

We went home and we both made seperate dinners. I reheated some beans and added salsa and cheese. I ended up going to bed around 11.