May 30th, 2014

I woke up around 9 and headed to the beach. My dad just sent me a pair of goggles and I wanted to try them out. 5 minutes into exploring the under water world of mystery, I reached down and realized my inhaler was no longer in my pocket. It had floated out. I retraced my swim and did not see it floating anywhere. I swam to the sea floor and picked up a fistful of sand and let it go at the surface so I could see which way the current was flowing. I swam around for about twenty minutes but I could not find it. I did find a lot of bright and colorful fish. I floated on my back for awhile just to enjoy the silence and tranquility.

Once I came ashore, I inquired of the lifeguard if anyone has turned in an inhaler. Indeed someone had. With my rescue inhaler safely at my side, I laid on my towel basking in the bright sunlight until I got too hot.

I went back to my moped to go home and found a warning from the police stating that I had parked illegally. I had chained it to a no parking sign on the lawn next to the street.

I got home and showered off the salt residue and made lunch to take to. work. I got to work exceptionally early and did my stretches. I like to keep my legs limbered up for all the walking.

My shift started out great, for the first two hours I was really busy and doing well. And then it happened. I noticed my table and the one in the section next to mine had been open for quite a while even though we had a long line of people waiting outside. That meant they were holding them for a party. I loathe parties. It turned out to be a wedding rehearsal dinner. 17 people and they took up 5 tables. My entire section was taken as well as two tables of someone else’s section. The group only needed 3 tables, but they spread out and used an entire table just for the bridal party gifts. I split the party with another server and that was our only source of income for the 2 1/2 hours they stayed. After splitting the tip, and what we have to tip out to the bartenders and hosts, we each made $25. I could have made way more than that off the 3 tables of mine they had occupied for that long.

The party finally ended and I had another round of tables. It was 10:30 and I was cleaning my section getting ready to go home when a host told me she was giving me another party of 15-20. It only ended up being 9 people, but every time I would walk by they needed something else, or they would change their order after I had placed the order in the computer. They split the check 3 ways and one guy gave me a $100 bill and told me to keep the change. The change was $3.19. The other two groups in the party tipped a little better, but it’s still a gut punch to the ego.

After they left, I wasn’t doing a very good job of hiding my feelings because as I would walk through the kitchen or hallway, people would scramble to get out of my way.

I left around 12:30 and went home to take a shower only to realize raft I got significantly sunburnt today.

I think some of the reason I have been in such a bad mood lately has to do with management abolishing the automatic gratuity, or even suggested gratuity on large parties, and another huge part is the fact that I’m right in the middle of the whole 30 diet again. I think my body needs cheese and carbohydrates to maintain a stable mood.

May 29th, 2014

I awoke promptly at 9am and made eggs for breakfast. I am starting to get pretty sick of eggs, there are only so many ways to cook and season eggs before the monotony kicks in.

I found an online resource to help with my math scores which I need to improve to apply for EMT school in January. My problem isn’t adding or subtracting, but fractions. I have never understood how they work, or why anyone would ever need to know what 3 4/5 + 2 9/7 equals. I was diligently studying when the plumbers finally came to replace the broken water heater. They tinkered around outside for about twenty minutes before giving me the go ahead to turn the electricity back on for the lanai. They told me that the water should be hot within two hours, I was in the shower within twenty minutes.

 

I got to work and as I was riding the escalator up to the fourth floor and humming the Jaws theme song in my head, when I saw what appeared to be the regional director for the company standing at the top. As I crested the top of the escalator, there was no one there. My suspicions were later confirmed when I saw him talking to the general manager. Apparently this guy can vanish like the wind.

 

I was in a busy section tonight, I was pretty happy about that. I feel like I have been stressing out  lately abut how much I am bringing in every night. I keep feeling like it is never enough. I can’t wait for EMT school to finish so I will be ale to male a steady income, and not have to worry about bad tippers. I had a family sit in my section who rubbed  me the wrong way from the very beginning. I couldn’t pin point it, but I knew right away I was not going to like the end result. A few minutes after that, I was sat a table that had come in previously and had a bad experience so my manager told them he would take care of their next meal. I walked up to them and said ‘Hi, my name is Trav…..” the lady waved me away with her hand and told me to come back in a minute. My other table had asked me for a cup of coffee, which I fetched and no sooner had I returned with said coffee, did someone else at the table ask for a coffee. I said I would go get the second cup, turned to ask how another table was doing and answer some questions about the menu. As I turned around, the guy waved me down, and in a thick German accent asked if the second cup of coffee was going to be arriving soon. I told him I was on my way to get it for him, and he did not seem pleased that I had the nerve to take care of another table before he got a second cup of coffee that he had ordered 30 seconds prior to asking where it was. They ended up tipping $5 on a $175 bill. The lady that waved me away, tipped $4 on an $87 bill. The third table that I was helping at the time, walked over to my manager to tell him that I provided amazing service and that when they return, they will ask to sin in my section. I gave the exact same service to all three tables.

 

I finished out the night wit a slew of bad tippers, mostly foreigners. I left around 11 and rode home to put this day behind me

May 28th, 2014

I awoke around 8 to the wonderful sounds of a leaf blower growing ever closer to my open window. I tried to ignore it and dream that I was watching airplanes fly through the sky, but I was now awake and nothing could change that. No sooner had I given  on sleep and gotten out of bed than the noises ceased. Our water heater is still broken so I skipped the morning ice bath and used extra deodorant.

I enjoyed some apricots and bananas with some left over chicken for breakfast and I headed out the door to begin my second double shift of the week. I arrived at work after purchasing yet another half gallon of black coffee to kick-start my morning.. The coffee did not necessarily wake up my mind, but it was like giving jet fuel to my intestines. I got to work and scurried to the men’s room where my insides sounded like an old car running out of gas on an old abandoned highway in the middle of nowhere. After loosing a third of my body weight in liquids, I was ready to start my pre-shift ritual of stretching while listening to the angriest metal music I can find. The bar tender came up next to me and asked if I was alright because I was facing the lockers stretching my calf muscles with my head down and fists clenched.

The morning shift was alright, the busiest I ever got was ten minutes before my relief clocked on at 4 when the hostess triple sat my section. At my restaurant, if your relief comes on, and the table does not have their entrée, you relinquish the table and they take over. I wanted her to take over so I could have a break between shifts, but she vanished. I clocked out at 5:01, and clocked in for my night shift at 5:02.

Last week another table had a bad experience with another server and the management invited them to come back and offered to take care of two entrées. They said they would be in tonight with a total of 8 people between 5:30-6:00. The managers wanted me to take the table and WOW them with my customer service skills. They eventually showed up around 6:45 and they did not want to sit in my section which was inside the restaurant away from the beautiful view. Essentially, my section was empty for the first two hours of my shift. When I finally did get a table, they walked out with their signed copy of the credit card receipt and my pen, not only did I not get a tip, I also lost a pen. The pen is one of the most prized possessions a server has. “This is my pen, there are many like it, but this one is mine. With out me, my pen is useless, without my pen, I am useless.”

The shift picked up a little bit, and I was in a better mood until I got a table of 4 guys with the same haircut and their girlfriends/wives. There are 6 groups of people who are notoriously bad tippers, (young people, old people, women, Christians, minorities, and foreigners)and I hate to say it, but I think I have to add a 7th. Though they do fall into the “young people” category,  military personnel aren’t known for topping well. I really hate to add them to the list, because I really do appreciate everything they do, and I know they are grossly underpaid, but they are notoriously bad tippers. I think I will just mark it up to the “young people” category. Some people in the group tipped 10%, one guy tipped 20%, the rest tipped 5%. They also do separate checks, which is a huge pain in the rear. I finished out the night with sales which were less than my morning shift, I guess it was the two hours my section sat abandoned waiting for that party that ended up wanting to sit by the window.

I deposited the cash tonight, I pass the time alone in the office by listening to angry metal music which everyone feels the need to comment on when they come in to deposit their money. I got home after 11 and stared at the ceiling for a few hours.

 

 

 

May 27th, 2014

This is my first blog from my new tablet. I have long since forgotten how to type on an old fashioned keyboard, although I still do now have the keyboard component. I am simply typing on the actual surface.

I woke up at 9 and decided to skip the cold shower. Rebecca called our property manager and she was told they might send someone over in 3 days. I was a bit indignant. If the people renting my house called to say that their hot water heater has been out all weekend, I would go fix it, or send over someone who could fix it right away. Things move a bit slower here on the island, it is tough to get used to.

I went to the bank to deposit my tips and then I rode home, stopping at various computer stores looking for a keyboard. There is a specific keyboard that attaches to the bottom of the Surface and is held in place by either magnets, or magic I haven’t figured out which is it yet. I got home and started adding important apps to the Surface when I saw a man walking alongside my apartment. I walked out the back door and greeted him trying to look as intimidating as possible. I gave him an ocular pat-down, assessed that he was not a threat and let him inspect the water heater. We have had a great deal of rain lately, it has been great for my garden, but it has been wreaking havoc on everything else. Rain water soaked through the flimsy shelter and shorted out the components. There were scorch marks from the resulting flare ups. This would be the reason Rebecca has been smelling burning plastic and electronics lately. I could not smell anything for the last few days on account of my sinuses being as packed as a Mormon nursery.

The guy said he would have to get authorization from the property manager to fix the water heater, meanwhile, I am stuck taking cold showers. As a guy, I like to let my wife know that she is safe around me, I like her to know that she is secure and that she needn’t worry about a thing. All of that melts away when she hears me screaming like a little girl and sobbing when I have to take cold showers.

 

I started dinner and It was ready just after Rebecca came home from work. We ate, and then I called my folks and talked to them for a while before Rebecca and I went to see a movie about a super hero who has to travel back in time to save his friends from an attack that is simultaneously happening in the future/present. We got to one theater about 20 minutes early and it was packed. We drove to the other end of town and found an older theater that doesn’t have the stadium style seating I have grown accustomed to, but there were only a handful of people there.

After the movie we drove home and Rebecca went to bed and I tried to stifle my uncontrollable sobbing from the near hypothermic temperatures of the shower.

May 26th, 2014

I woke up at 9 and scrambled to get ready for my double shift. Our water heater is broken again, so I skipped a morning shower. I picked up a morning shift hoping to earn some extra money to pay for the Surface tablet I just got and have yet to use.

I got to work early and stopped at Starbucks and got another 30 oz bladder buster. It was gone before I got up to the 4th floor.

The morning shift was busy, just not in my section. I had a table just sit there for almost an hour after they paid their bill. I really wanted to shoo them away, but there is little I could do and still remain employee.

I got a break for about 45 minutes and then I started my night shift. As I was introducing myself to my first table, the hostesses sat me a second large party. I had to scramble to appease both groups.

There was a Memorial Day lantern releasing festival at the beach park across the street from the mall today. We had a huge rush of people both before and after the ceremony. I was extremely busy the entire night which should have been a good thing.

I had a table of two teenagers out on a date. Everything went well, and I got them to laugh a few times. When I gave them the bill, which was $54.62, he gave me $55. I knew it wasn’t going to end well for me. I brought him back $0.32 in change secretly hoping he would want to look generous in front of his lady friend. He took the $0.32. While this was happening, a party of 7 people left $4 on a tab well over $200. After that ended, I had a table’s food take 53 minutes to come out of the kitchen. By the time it had arrived at the table, most of it was cold. Even though we took off almost all of their tab, I still got hosed.

By the end of the night I was ready to quit. If the cooks make a mistake, they still get their $10-16 an hour, the hosts get their hourly wage plus a guaranteed tip share based off my sales. But when they screw up, I am the only person the customer takes it out on. It’s just frustrating, I’m starting to lean towards a non tipped industry, but increasing the salary. Because I earn tips, the state allows my company to pay less than minimum wage. After the company stopped allowing the auto gratuity, or even a suggested gratuity, I have no incentive to take large parties. The only reason having a large party was good was the guaranteed gratuity at the end. Now there is no point. Sorry, I’m just angrily venting. I exhausted and starving.

I got home around 11 and went straight to bed.

May 25th, 2014

We both woke up at 9 and got ready for church. We stopped at Starbucks on the way and I purchased a colon blasting 30oz black coffee for me, and a chai tea for my beautiful wife.

As soon as we got to church I had to pee. I held it throughout the service, but it was distracting. We met a bunch of new people today, I forced myself to introduce myself to strangers which is nerve wracking even though I talk to strangers for a living.

After church we went to Best Buy to look at tablets. There was a sign that said “Windows Surface 64gb bundle with screen cover, key board and case $299”. We jumped at the sweet sounding deal. As the lady rang up the items, she informed us that the keyboard, screen cover, and case were an additional $150. It wasn’t a bundle deal after all, it was a fine print scam and I was outraged. Separately the three items were $160, so it wasn’t much of a deal at all. I wanted to stand on the counter and deposit a big mess of second hand coffee all over her cash register. The entire time I was burning with rage on the inside, but I appeared calm on the outside. We only got the screen protector to protect against scratches and left the keyboard and case for another day. I will look online to find something cheaper.

We got home and I plugged in the Surface and then ate a quick lunch before heading to work. I got there early, and they were busy so they asked me to start as soon as I got there. I had 4 tables at the 4 corners of the restaurant. I was running a lot for the first hour. At least my voice is back.

I was in a busy section which made the night go by fast. I was doing the books again tonight so I was one of the first ones to stop taking tables.

I got home around 11 and went to play with my tablet when I saw that it needed updates. 35 updates to be exact. I also noticed that the girl who put the screen cover on, apparently has Parkinson’s because the cover has more bubbles than a Scott Peterson fishing trip. If I hadn’t been watching her apply the cover, I could swear she tried to do it using just her feet.

I sat on the bed and waited for the updates to load. I will say that I am not a big fan of Best Buy right now. First they try to trick me with a deceitful sale, then I get a brand new tablet that took 4 hours to update, and third I have to go back and get someone to reapply the screen cover who will take the task seriously. I should have just gone to the Microsoft store.

I was really excited to type this blog on my tablet, but here I am, typing with my thumbs on my phone like some kind of monkey. I guess there are worse things in the world than waiting, or bubbles. I just can’t think of any right now.

May 24th, 2014

I woke up at 10 with absolutely no voice. It was a bit raspy last night, but today it just came out in a loud squeaky whisper.

Rebecca was on her way out the door when I woke up and I convinced her to bring me along with her so I could ride in the shopping cart. We ended up at the mall where I bought a large, or vente, or big black coffee from Starbucks. Last week I asked for a “tall” and I got a cup just a wee but bigger than a shot glass. Apparently I’m not hip to the coffee-speak, but when I ask for a tall, I’d prefer the biggest one.

We went to Gap so Rebecca could look at shirts and I sat on a stool and tried to look sophisticated while sipping my coffee and playing with my phone.

We wandered to a shoe store where Rebecca bought non slip shoes for her summer time job as a hostess at the restaurant right next to mine.

After the shoes, we went to the Microsoft store to educate ourselves on the Surface tablet I am saving up for. Because the surface 3 is about to come out, I figured the Surface 1 would become less expensive. Instead they are selling the Surface 3 as a lap top because it is bigger than a typical tablet. I also found that I will need to get the Surface Pro in order to sync my iPhone to the tablet.

We went home and I cooked chicken while listening to the Sounders game and Rebecca was in our room learning Spanish from an app in her phone.

I got to work just as it started pouring down rain. I got to my first table and tried to speak but couldn’t. I had been resting my voice all afternoon and that made things worse. My first table had a great laugh at my expense because all I could really do was squeak. I feared I would be sent home, but being a holiday weekend they needed workers.

It was dreadfully slow, and I was unable to really talk with my tables and charm them into liking me. I told everyone that I had lost my voice yelling at the tv during the Champions League finals. No one had any idea what I was talking about. I was hoping for sympathy tips on account of my voice, but it just didn’t happen tonight.

I got home a little after 11 and went straight to bed.

May 23rd, 2014

I woke up at 9 and made my usual eggs and Portuguese sausage. I went outside to water my lawn and saw a man with a net on the end of a pole stealing mangoes. I wanted to tell him to scram and save the mangoes for people who actually lived at the complex, but something inside me told me to keep quiet. We exchanged small talk while I watered the grass, he was turning the garbage can upside down and climbing our tree like a homeless orangutan. I believe the term for an able bodied man who steals fruit from other people’s trees is Hobotang.

He climbed down from the garbage can and told me that he was just released from the federal detention center and was trying to get some mangoes to sell. I said “that’s cool man” and went back inside to refill my water bottles and grab my knife which also doubles as brass knuckles. I really wished I had a firearm in case this scumbag decided to enter my apartment uninvited.

He ended up scurrying away when he heard a police siren coming down the street making me wonder if he was released from jail or just got out on his own accord.

I got ready for work and was there an hour early, I got a coffee to wake me up so I could be peppy for my shift.

My manager asked to talk to me as soon as I got there. He had two things to tell me, the first was that I am not allowed to talk to the hosts anymore. I usually ask them to fill my section and to keep me busy, a reasonable request. The manager said that they have so much going on that when the severs talk to them, it gets stressful. I took this as “they aren’t very bright and they are easily confused and distracted”. I have worked in restaurants for a long time and I know that the host position is hard, but they have a tendency to not hire them for their reasonable thinking ability or ability to apply logic to situations. I also believe that the hostess who is mad at me complained and was trying to get me in trouble.

The other news my manager had, was that last week, a group came in and was dissatisfied. He convinced them to come back and said he was going to put them in my section and I was told “just do what you do best and show them a good time”. I was honored and confused. Was I to give great customer service and a memorable experience, or was I to “show them a good time” and flirt with the fellow. Was my manager trying to pimp me out?

The shift was kind of slow. I had a party of 8 who waited 40 minutes for their friends to arrive before even ordering drinks. They took up an entire table just sitting there while their kids stared at me with blank autistic stares. When the rest of the group arrived, they ordered drinks. I really wished we could still do auto gratuities just based on my first impression. 45 minutes later one of them complained that his frozen drink had melted. Imagine that, a frozen drink melts in 85 degree weather. They ended up tipping 8%.

The rest of the night went pretty well, I can feel that my voice is starting to go out again. I’m not sure why, but I have been coughing up little nuggets of yuck.

I left work around 12:30 and went to a billiards hall with a bunch of coworkers. I haven’t played pool since I was 12 or 13, back then I was a descent player, I even played in a couple tournaments. I figured I would be rubbish now, but on the break I sunk a ball. I made the next 5 shots to the amazement of both myself and the girl I was playing against. I won that game on slop play, meaning the balls went in but not where I had intended them to go. As long as you don’t look surprised when you make a shot like that, everyone assumes that you intended to get the ball in that pocket.

Someone challenged me who was a much better shot than me, but he sunk the 8 ball on his 2nd shot. I won two games in a row on luck alone. He challenged me to a replay and he won, but I put up a descent challenge.

We left the pool hall at 2 when they closed and I went home to toss and turn for 2 hours before I fell asleep.

May 22nd, 2014

I woke up at 9 and headed to get my blood work done. I was in and out in 7 minutes.

I came back home and saw a few police cars in my parking lot. I went inside and ate a bunch of fruit for breakfast. Around lunch time, I went to Walmart to buy a rash guard to protect my back from the mean burny sun when I go snorkeling.

I got back home and was sitting on the bed looking at my phone when someone came a knock-knock-knocking on my door. I threw on a shirt (it gets hot in our apartment) and grabbed my pocket knife and placed it in my back pocket, just in case.

The man at my door was a police detective who was looking for witnesses from an alleged assault that took place in front of my complex. I told him that I was not at home during the time in question and then tried my best to get information. Apparently some men were chasing the alleged victim and he ran into my complex. Apparently he did not run fast enough because they allegedly caught up to him and allegedly battered him about the head and torso with their fists and or feet. No one saw the incident which allegedly took place in broad daylight and on a very busy street. The detective left and I resumed sitting in front of the fan with my shirt off.

Around 2 some friends of mine came to pick me up. I have known Lyndsay since the 4th grade. I met her husband Justin during my sophomore year of high school. They are on the island celebrating their son’s victory over cancer. The 4 of us hiked Diamond Head, it was extremely muggy, but the views were spectacular.

After the hike, we picked up Rebecca and I took them into Waikiki to show them around. We went down an alley filled with displaced vendors who are all very pushy. Miles found a wooden tank that he liked so I taught him how to barter. He ended up getting the tank for less than half of the original asking price. It was a proud moment for me.

We left Waikiki and we headed to Dave and Busters for dinner and games. I had a hard time remembering that we were traveling with a young child who is very much like a sponge. I would say something and his parents would have to make up a meaning. My favorite made-up meaning was “round-eye is a type of food that looks like an eyeball”. I had been talking about immigration.

We got to the restaurant and told the host, “4 and a high chair please”. I even pointed at Miles, who is 8, and jokingly asked if he still sat in a high chair. He laughed. I thought the host knew that I was joking. He brought us a high chair. He obviously didn’t get the joke, so he became the joke for the rest of the night.

After dinner we played some of the games upstairs. Rebecca beat me at skeeball and hoop shoot. I should be better at the games I grew up playing. She won’t ever let me live it down either. Her victory dance was embarrassing for both of us.

Lyndsay and Justin dropped us off at home and we said our goodbyes and went inside to go to bed.

May 21st, 2014

I woke up at 10:30 and headed out the door. I skipped breakfast because I was heading in to get a blood test and they told me not to eat for 12 hours before the test. What they failed to mention, was that I had to have eaten something within 16 hours. My last meal was at 3pm yesterday afternoon.

Hungry and discouraged, I rode to a grocery store and bought half a roasted chicken and ate it in the parking lot. I then rode to costco to pick up my prescriptions.

I rode home stopping to fill up my gas tank in my moped. I pay between $4.95 and $5.37 every two weeks to fill up my tank.

I got home and tended to my garden. Some of the grass seeds have begun sprouting, my kiwapples have done nothing. I guess that’s what I get from trying to plant the seeds from the fruit that I eat.

Rebecca came home around 4 and our dinner plans fell through. She made burritos and I rode into Waikiki to find a fruit stand. I ended up going to Safeway and buying a bunch of fruit and cashews for me to eat while I finish out the last two weeks of this diet.

I filled up on strawberries, bananas, and my new favorite treat, almond-coconut- date rolls. As the name clearly explains the ingredients, it is a date covered in coconut with an almond.

I prepared some garlic chicken to cook for lunch tomorrow and was finally able to pop the monster zit that has hanging out in my armpit for the last 3 days. The chicken and the pimple have no connection, it just happened after I put the chicken in the fridge to defrost.

I tried going to bed around 10 but I ended up tossing and turning for a long, long, long, long, long time. Long.