May 30th, 2016

I managed to get to bed around 1:30 last night, after counting to 700, I tried to bore myself to sleep by thinking of famous people who’s first and last name start with the same letter for each letter of the alphabet: Alan Alda, Bill Burr, Chevy Chase, Dom Deluise, Eric Estrada….

I finally managed to fall asleep around 5. At 8:30 our neighbor’s dog began barking. They got the dog a few months ago, and they let it out every morning and it starts yipping for about 20 minutes. I was trying to get back to sleep when I heard Rebecca yelling at the neighbors from outside. I have never been more proud. I was now up, the sun was shining and we got ready to go to the beach.

As we headed down the highway, dark storm clouds loomed over the mountains. It rained for the rest of the afternoon, all over the island. We stopped for lunch at a new restaurant on the north shore and then picked up some coconut peanut butter and headed home. As we were driving along we hit some traffic and we were slowly creeping along. Rebecca was talking about shoe shopping and I was looking out the window. Suddenly something caught my eye. I told Rebecca to pull over, got out of the car and ran back 10 yards to investigate, sitting in the dirt was a $20 bill that was folded up and no bigger than my thumb. I got back in the car and dumped hand sanitizer all over my new found treasure. The rest of the ride home I imagined all the cool things I could do with my fortune.

Once we got home, I took a nap, woke up, used my newly acquired wealth to buy a pizza and rented a movie about a guy who is attacked by a bear and left for dead, only to seek vengeance on those who wronged him.

June 24th, 2015

We left the house around noon where it was sunny, and headed to find a beach on the windward side. We were met with rain for most of the drive. The beaches were completely empty and I kept trying to get Rebecca to stop at one so I could go splashing in the waves. I don’t see the problem of getting rained on while in the ocean, its not like I’m going to get wetter. She was looking to sit on the beach and read a book, so anything involving rain was out of the question. We headed up to the north shore and stopped to ask about buying a used surfboard. Anything of descent quality was going for around $400.

We drove to Haleiwa where we got Hula Dogs and then I got an iced coffee before I bought a bottle of coconut volcano lotion and a bar of coconut soap with a mesh thing inside for to scrubbing. I think girls call it a loofa, or loopa. I’m not sure what they call it, but it smells good. Our next stop was the new North Shore Goodies store. I bought a 50 ounce jar and they gave us a jar of strawberry jam and a goodie bag filled with magnets, and a pen, and a bottle opener/flashlight/measuring tape.

We drove up to Ka’ena point, which is the very end of the road. We got out and inspected the tide pools, crawled over the sharp lava rocks, watched the waves, and basically had a good time at the beach without getting wet. I tried to convince Rebecca to stay and watch the sunset, but it was still 3 hours away and she was tired so we drove home. I dropped off my bag and headed to the store for frozen pizza and we ate while watching a movie about a robot who receives artificial intelligence and learns how to be sentient.

May 22nd, 2015

I was awoken, awoke…awoked, awakesd… woken up at the unmentionable hour of 7 am. The girls were all texting each other their plans for breakfast. I forget that they are still on mainland time, so 7 am feels like 10 am to them. I however, am set on the time zone of some distant island off in the South Pacific which is 3 hours behind Honolulu. I couldn’t go back to sleep so I reheated the burritos I made yesterday and watched Sons of Anarchy while Rebecca got ready.

We left around 9 (noon for the Seattle people, 6 for me) and went to target to buy some things and then settled in at the beach while everyone else waited an hour in line for a breakfast place. We got a great spot on Lanikai beach, set up our chairs and umbrellas and beach mats. We had applied sunscreen and had gone into the clear warm water and we sat in the sun for over an hour waiting for everyone to arrive. I soon got bored and took an inflatable ring out to the water and floated aimlessly. The dark ominous clouds had begun to roll in from the north blocking the healthy UV rays from blessing us with their radiation. Everyone showed up and I casually walked back to our encampment. After everyone had applied sunscreen, they made their way to the water. The men tossed a football while the girls clung together in a tight circle and talked about pregnancy, shopping, cookies, shopping, ribbons, jello recipes, and various cleaning products… or whatever it s broads talk about when they get together. After a while the ladies headed to the beach while the guys donned snorkeling gear and explored the mysteries of the deep. I looked up at one point and saw everyone else had gone ashore and they were packing everything up. I made my way to them and felt the warm tropical rain splatter against my muscular frame. Rebecca and I had brought enough chairs, inflatables and beach mats to accommodate the number of New England Patriots who don’t lie, cheat, or murder. Jim stayed behind and helped us pack and walk our stuff back to the car.

Most of the group headed up to the North Shore while Rebecca and I drove home to shower and make lunch. Brandon and Di had moved hotels and were now staying in town. Di and I were exchanging ideas for where to go for dinner on the drive home. We had finally decided on a time and place and then I promptly fell asleep. I woke up half hour later and tried to tell Rebecca about the plan, but half of my mind was still sleeping.

We met up with Brandon and Di at a Korean restaurant called Itchy Butt, it has a weird name, but the food is allegedly great. They do not have a dining area, as it is take out only, so we drove to Uncle Bo’s. I was nervous. I had been suggesting the place to them since they had arrived, and if they hated the food, I would have felt like I had let them down. We waited nearly 40 minutes for a table, and we were told that we could have the table, but only if we would be gone before 8 when it was booked with a reservation. Rebecca and I ordered a total of 4 appetizers, Di got the salmon and Brandon got the dynamite shrimp and pork sliders. They loved the food. Brandon said it was his second favorite place on the island next to Opals. I was so relieved.

We made haste to get to Waikiki to watch the fireworks, Rebecca and I made it in time, but Brandon and Di had trouble finding parking. They stopped their car and we piled in, drove in a few circles and then parked and went in search of the North Shore Goodies stand at the farmer’s market, but they were not there tonight. We decided to walk through Duke’s Lane and look at all the souvenir trinkets and then they dropped us off at our car. Once home, we noticed our bathroom sink was draining slower than my metabolism so I headed to the store for some drain cleaner and soda for breakfast.

April 3rd, 2015

When I had woken up, Rebecca had already woken up, made pancakes and settled in to read her book. After I got ready, we headed up to the North Shore to buy coconut peanut butter and spend the day out of the house. I had to pee as soon as we got on the freeway, and there was a massive traffic jam up near the Dole plantation. I considered using my hydro flask and then washing it out, but I don’t think I could ever drink out of something I had used for that purpose, and it was a $30 water bottle, not a $30 traveler’s urinal.

We eventually made it to Haleiwa and once I was done washing the porcelain, we got gelato. I have never knowingly had gelato, but I was assured that it was not ice cream. It is a frozen dairy treat that they scoop and place into a cone. If that is not ice cream, I don’t know what is. We had planed to drive around the island and get dinner at a Mexican restaurant in Kaneohe, but there was bumper to bumper traffic clogging the two lane road so we drove back towards the Aloha Stadium and then cut through the island on the H3 freeway. We found the restaurant that I have heard great things about, and I was not disappointed. The salsa they bright out for the chips was the perfect consistency and had just enough spice to be delicious but not over powering. I ordered the fajita burrito with carne asada (steak for all you non-Spanish speaking gringos).

After eating, we went home where Rebecca filled our new filing cabinet with all sorts of paperwork and I took a quick nap while watching a documentary about the Hell’s Angels. I woke up and began feeling the beginning effects of cabin fever even though I had been inside for about an hour. I drove to Hawaii Kai, which is near Hanuama Bay and went to a movie. They must have been expecting a large crowd because I was sent to line up along the outside of the building and wait for the theater to be cleaned. I was the only person in line for about 5 minutes, eventually an other couple showed up and they let us in. I took my seat near the back of the theater and waited for 2 hours and 17 minutes of pure awesomeness. It was a movie about car chases, and explosions, and over-the-top stunts. If Fast and Furious 7 does not win the award for best movie ever, I will forever question the validity of the Academy Awards.

October 6th, 2014

Rebecca woke me up at 7:30 and we headed to the bank to transfer money in to our checking account before our property manager deposited the rent check. We then drove to Hale Koa, which is the military hotel in Waikiki. We were able to enjoy/abuse the breakfast buffet because Daniel is military. They must have used some top secret futuristic government technology because the bacon was cooked perfectly. I like my bacon on the crispy side and they had a small mountain of golden delicious crispy bacon waiting for me. There were also eggs and waffles and the usual breakfast things that I passed by in order to make room for more bacon.

Once our bellies were full, we meandered over to the windward side to enjoy the beach. We did stop along the way so Rebecca could show us the farm in which her students work in. The beach was the perfect color of crystal clear blue that you usually only see in post cards. We swam, I dug a hole, we swam some more, it was great. At 1 we headed to Sarah’s friend’s house to change and head to a bar to watch the Seahawks game. It was a bit of a dive bar, and we filled up on wings and burgers so at half time we drove up the hill to Liz’s house and finished watching the game. After the game we drove to a high school where we watched some of Rebecca’s students play in a volleyball game against a rival school.

We headed in to town and before dropping Sarah and Daniel off at their hotel, I took them to meet Mark, the guy who created the coconut peanut butter I love so much. I had a great talk with Mark, and Sarah got to sample almost as much as my niece did.

We dropped them off at their hotel and then Rebecca and I went home and I showered off most of the salt water, and some of the sand that was clinging to my body like a singed koala looking for a 24 hour burn center.

Sept 9th, 2014

I woke up and headed to Starbucks to get my fix for the day. I then went to Kinko’s and printed off another continuation sheet for my background check and took it home to fill it out and make sure I had everything. I left for work around 1, but I rode past the place I have to go tomorrow morning to make sure I knew how to get there. I then went to the bank to deposit my tips, and then I headed to Walmart to buy some under shirts because mine keep disappearing. I think wither the drier is eating them, or Rebecca sees all the holes in them and throws them away. I believe I have had most of them since I lived in Mexico, and they aren’t in the best of shape.

I rode to the mall, parked my moped and then went to the grocery store to buy 1/4 of a roasted chicken for lunch. I took it upstairs and ate before my shift.

The shift was slow, and to make matters worse, I had a table get there just before I started at 4. They sat at the table until a little after 8. They only ordered $100 worth of food and drinks, and the occupied 1/3 of my section for over half of my shift. I did have a wonderful table from Australia who made up for it. I impressed them with my knowledge of their homeland, and told them about coconut peanut butter and they ended up tipping me really well, so weld in fact, that I went into the gift shops they were leaving just to thank them again.

I got home around midnight and went straight to bed. I have to get up really early tomorrow.

June 27th, 2014

We woke up at 6:45 when my niece came in and said that she was hungry. Rebecca reminded her about the pizza still in the fridge from last night, but we were already awake. She ate her pizza and then went outside to find geckos while we tried to wake up. She came back in covered in bug bites and said the mosquitoes must really like her. I said, “Yeah, they must be deaf”. She didn’t get it right away, buy eventually she caught on. I took her to the store to get bug repellent, sun block, and eggs and then we went back to the apartment. We covered ourselves in sun block and headed to Waikiki. We had to park in a garage and then walk 30 miles to the beach, but we found a nice spot in front of the Royal Hawaiian Hotel.

My niece ran and jumped in the waves laughing and screaming with joy. We swam out a little ways, but the water was murky and there weren’t too many fish. She was really only interested in the waves. We had to pry her away from the water to get her to eat a sandwich or reapply sunscreen. She had a huge pile of shells, coral and rocks that she had collected, sadly most of them “floated out of my pocket”.

At 2:15, we had to leave the beach and head home. Rebecca had to change and get ready for work, so I cooked her a quick dinner while she showered and my niece was outside chasing geckos and hitting mangoes with a stick. We made the mistake of telling her that the sap that comes out of the mango when you pull it off the tree is similar to blood, so she went outside to “murder mangoes”.

Rebecca went to work, so my niece and I made a can of soup for dinner and then caught the bus to Waikiki. It was full of smelly strangers and it took too long to get where we needed to go. We ended up on the  far end of Waikiki and started walking towards the Hilton. I made the mistake of taking her into an ABC store so I could get a bottle of water. We looked at everything. She didn’t want to buy everything, which surprised me. But she wanted to look. She picked out one item, which is still surprising to me, I would have bought her multiple items had she asked but she only wanted one. I then took her to the farmers market to meet Mark, the gentleman behind Coconut Peanut Butter. She must have sampled everything at least two times. She told Mark that he was a genius and that everything he makes is delicious. She informed him that he is now a part of our family, and then went back to multiple samples. Mark asked her which ones were her favorites and told her to pick three jars on the house. Her eyes widened and she gave him a huge hug, I thanked him profusely.

We walked further down Waikiki and eventually ended up at the Hilton. The penguins weren’t there, but the turtles and ducks were. We got our spot on the beach and my niece ran into the water. She immediately found some boys her age who were playing catch and she joined them. She later told me that they were from Australia. She come out of the water moments before the fireworks started. I am always teary eyed after the fireworks, and I thought it was patriotism, but I realized it is because I don’t blink during the entire show.

After the fireworks, we walked about 1/2 mile to our bus stop only to take the bus 1/2 mile home. I wanted to walk, but her feet were tired. She went to take a shower so I did the dishes and made a loaf of coconut flour banana bread. I was going to teach her how to use the stove, but decided against it. I realized that our microwave is atop the refrigerator, which is ok for us, but not a kid friendly height. I places the microwave on a chair so she could reach it and reheat breakfast. I cooked us some mac-n-cheese for dinner around 9:30 and then Rebecca got home around 10. We continued watching the Avengers which we had started last night and after about 15 minutes, she asked if she could go to bed because she was so tired.         

March 30th, 2014

We woke up at 8 and had eggs for breakfast. We went to church and we were warmly greeted by multiple people. They announced there was going to be a mission trip to Costa Rica during the summer. After the service I asked about the trip. They leave at the end of June and the cost is going to be about $2,500. I wish I could go, but I don’t think we can swing it right now. The fact that the trip is right in the middle of the World Cup sways my decision toward the negative.

After church we went to Popeye’s chicken for lunch. It was the first fried food I’ve had in over a month and it didn’t sit well.

We went home, changed and then we went for a drive up to the north shore. We took as many different roads as possible just so we could explore new parts of the island. We then drove over to the west side of the island to look at the Disney resort. There was no parking so we drove down the road about a mile and parked in front of a beach park.

We drove home and relaxed for about an hour and then we went to the grocery store to stock up on supplies for the week.

We came home and made dinner and hung out before going to bed.

Jan 13th, 2014

I woke up at 8:30 and made a grilled cheese and spaghetti sandwich and then got ready for work. When I called they told me to be there at 11:30.

As I walked outside, I saw our neighbor had moved her car back into our spot. Here is the note I left her:

“Hi neighbor,
I noticed you parked in our spot again. I know that you have lived here a long time but this is our spot. We pay for it, we would like to use it. Please park somewhere else.
Travis.
Oh and thanks again for being so rude the other night.”

I left the note on her windshield and caught my bus. I got to work early so they gave me a run in Waikiki that I made it to just in time.

It was disgustingly humid all day today and around 8 it started pouring. A buddy of mine landed just before 8 and he was at baggage claim just as I was dropping off upstairs. I circled around to see him before he got on his shuttle. I parked and we were texting back and forth but right when I finally found him his shuttle whisked him away to get his rental car.

I finished my last run at 9:45 when I saw the guy from North Shore Goodies who makes the coconut peanut butter. I waved him down and we parked and had a great talk. He gave me some really good advice on making my salsa.

After a great chat I drove back to base and put away my rig and waited 40 minutes for the bus. I got home after midnight and Rebecca had long since fallen asleep.

Nov 13th, 2013

Rebecca left around 6 something this morning, I didn’t hear a thing, but for some reason her coming home at 9 and turning the key in the lock woke me up like someone had put ice cubes in my trousers. We both laid around lazily for a few hours and then we drove the car back to the rental lot. I had Rebecca drop me off at the DMV so I could get my driving record for my new job. The DMV no longer does driving records. I got on a bus and headed downtown to the courthouse. I was standing up next to the rear door because I was getting off the bus soon when a man with a ponytail and 1000 yard stare demanded that I sit down because having people behind him made him nervous. I wanted to argue that he chose the seat in front of where I had been standing, but something in his eyes told me to sit down and shut up.

I got to the courthouse and headed up to the 4th floor where I had been directed. I sat in line for 20 minutes next to people paying bail bonds to get their friends and relatives out if jail. I met a guy who told me how he got a DUI after blowing 0.0 on the breathalyzer because he refused the blood test. He went on to say he had just gotten his felonies expunged from his record and he was going to become a cop so he could get some revenge on some people. I tried my hardest to look intimidating and not scared but I think I just looked like I needed to poop. My number was called and the very polite last who spoke English perfectly told me I had to go to “shekant froor.”
I walked down the stairs to the second floor and waited in line again. After $20 I got my driving record and was on my way. I caught the bus right as it came around the corner and Rebecca was on the bus coming from the car rental place on her way to work. The bus was crowded so I had to stand a few rows behind her. We got off at the same stop and I walked her to work and then I went to Labor Ready to see about working as a day laborer for the next 2 weeks until my job starts. It pays $7.25 an hour and I have to go in tomorrow to fill out paperwork and then come back Tuesday for an orientation. I left and walked to Waikiki where I ran into the guy who created coconut peanut butter. He recognized me and we had a great 45 minute chat about his business, moving here, places to eat and coconut peanut butter. He has been selected to have his coconut peanut butter included in the gift baskets they give to people at the academy awards. As I left he handed me a jar and said if I ever need anything to give him a call. He doesn’t know it yet, but he is my new best friend.

I sat on the beach and watched an amazing sunset and then quickly ran into a hotel lobby to expunge myself. I doubt that is the correct word, but I’m going with it.

I went into a store to but a shirt. Most of my clothes have no sleeves and I want to be a little classier now that I’m no longer a tourist. I got 2 shirts and some sunglasses to replace the ones stolen from me by the ocean when I went to Kauai. I left the store and was walking to the bus when I felt something in the bag. I reached in and found a toy truck still in it’s package. I went back to the store and told the lady at the register that I thought the people in line before me had bought the truck for their son, and the cashier placed it in the bag, forgot about it and put my clothes in the same bag. The lady at the register seemed to have no idea what I was talking about. I said “I didn’t buy this truck, but it wound up in my bag by mistake.” She looked at me with a blank stare and said ” do you want to buy it?” I said “no” and tried explaining it again. She looked puzzled, said “thank you” and took the truck as I left.

I got on the bus and headed home where I watched more of the zombie show. It was already dark and it was a bad choice but I am vested in the characters. I want to know what happens next no matter how much it scares me.

My dad called and we talked for a while and then Rebecca came home. I am exhausted from the day and ready for a long sleepless night of thinking every noise is the undead coming to feast on my brains.